This is going to be a rant about things that really piss me off about the shopping experience. So without further ado, here we go…
People who block the aisle
This shit infuriates me. People who stand in the middle of the goddamned aisle just looking at everything. Or talking with someone on their cell phone. The store isn’t a social club, let me get my shit and get the fuck out. And for fuck’s sake, can’t we have just a little bit of order? Does all shopping have to be some Mad Max style free for all?
People who take forever to make up their mind
You know these assholes, the ones who stare at the wall of soup for twenty minutes trying to make up their mind, as if choosing between tomato and chicken noodle were some kind of fucking Sophie’s choice. IT’S JUST SOUP, PICK ONE.
It’s 2016, no I don’t want my receipt. I bet 90% of people just end up throwing the receipt away. So fuck that. It’s a waste of paper. This is the 21st fucking century, just email me my receipt. Or text it to me. If I paid with a card, you don’t need to give me a printed receipt at all–if I want to return something just look up the card number. For those weirdos who still pay in cash, you can offer them a printed a receipt I guess, but it seems an email or text would work just as well for these folks. But all in all, your stupid receipt is just going to end up like this:
No, I don’t need a bag for my gum, you fucking twat. If I only bought one or two things, I don’t want a damn bag. I’m more than capable of carrying my toothpaste without a plastic bag, thanks. Stop wasting plastic and paper on one or two item transactions.
Look, I know that shopping isn’t a race. But come on. Pick your fucking feet up and move. There’s nothing more annoying than getting stuck behind someone whose walking speed is half yours. And again, usually these people have strategically positioned themselves in the middle of the flow, making it impossible to go around them.
Using the self-checkout for a cart full of crap
Self-check out is a form of an express lane. If you have a few items but don’t want to wait in a giant line, that’s what the self-checkout is for. It’s not for some asshole with 200 things in his cart to clog up the line for everyone else who just popped in for a carton of milk. And who doesn’t even know how to use the damned self-checkout machine. If you have a full cart, go to the regular checkout line and let someone faster than you do it all, you fucking twat.
So that’s it, the things about shopping that really make my blood boil. Did I miss anything? What do you guys hate about shopping?