Noah’s Farce

Ken Ham is at it again, folks. This time he’s created “Ark Encounter,” a biblical theme park with a real life Noah’s Ark, built to the exact specifications given in the bible. It’s located in Kentucky (shocking), and opens July 7th. While I can’t say that I’m shocked that Ham is doing this, I can say that I’m shocked at the price tag for this endeavor:

$100 million. Million, with an M.

Ken Ham is spending $100 million on a biblical theme park and a replica of Noah’s Ark. Because, you know, God and stuff. Clearly, God wanted Ham to spend that much money–including $18 million in tax subsidies from Kentucky–on a biblical theme park. Instead of, you know, actually doing something to help people. And this is perhaps what I love the most about Ken Ham: he’s excellent at exposing not only how clueless and ignorant Young Earth Creationists are, but also how completely selfish, misguided, and hypocritical many religious folks are.

To put this perspective, here’s what else you could buy with $100 million dollars, besides a theme park dedicated to fairy tales and nonsense:

  • 40,000,000 mosquito nets for people who live in Malaria ravaged areas of the world
  • A year’s worth of HIV medication for 50,000 people
  • 12,500 wells of clean drinking water wells for villages in Africa

But it’s not like God cares about helping the poor and sick, right? I mean, we wouldn’t want to use that money on something stupid like building schools, homeless shelters, medical treatment, rehab programs, funding cancer research and treatment. No, better spend that money on building a replica Noah’s Ark.

After all, according to Ham, he’s building the ark because “It’s a religious purpose. It’s because we’re Christians and we want to get the Christian message out…We’re becoming more like the days of Noah in that we see increasing secularization in the culture.” Because, in Ham’s own twisted mind, if he doesn’t build this theme park the world will continue to become more wicked/less Christian and then God will flood the earth again and rain fire and brimstone upon us all. You know, quality family stuff.


The more I thought about this and the opportunity costs associated with it, the more my blood boiled. But then I tried to think of a silver lining. And I know what you’re thinking. What silver lining could there possibly be in someone wasting that much money to build a Christian theme park dedicated to Noah’s Ark? I’m so glad you asked. The answer is that it let’s you literally see how stupid the bible is.

When you’re in Sunday school or church as a child and they tell you that Noah built a boat for all the animals you can accept that because, in your mind, he must have just built a reeeeeally big boat. It remains abstract, intangible, and therefore plausible. But not anymore. Now you can take your kids to see the actual ark Noah allegedly built. And when they actually see how small it is, I have no doubt at all that scores of kids will look up to their parents and ask, “How could ALL of the animals have fit on that?”

And they’ll get an unsatisfactory answer because there is no answer because the whole story is stupid bullshit. But by then it’ll be too late. The damage will have been done. The kids will have already seen the Ark and at that moment have realized it couldn’t possibly hold two of every animal on the planet. It’ll plant the seed of doubt.

Ken Ham made the worst move possible: he’s built an actual moment to cognitive dissonance. He’s eliminating the very things that actually give him power–vague details and lack of tangibility, the con man’s best weapons against reason.



5 thoughts on “Noah’s Farce

  1. Heh 🙂 Ole Hambo is a slick con artist. His creation “museum” and now his ark park are rube goldmines. To the rubes this whole thing legitimizes their belief of their imaginay friend, to Ham it is a retirement package. Fuck the needy!

    I have to wonder though are there enough rubes to get a return on a 100 M investment? Probably so…

    As I seem to recall, from my reading of the bible many years ago, the ark was a large rectangular structure. Not in any way resembling the somewhat seaworthy appearance of modern depictions. I also recall some discussions over at Pandas Thumb about the seaworthiness of any extraordinarily large wooden vessel. Long story short, wood does not scale up well on the open ocean. There was a modern-ish sailing vessel, I forget the name, very large ship. It leaked like it was shot full of holes and went down in calm seas. This with updated ship building know how (since Noahs time) and pumps to drain the bilge.

    Nevermind the massive amount of pooper scoopers Noah and Co. would have needed. And food, many animals have specialty diets, I guess our animal friends packed in their special needs on their way to the ark, fresh water, etc. Can you imagine how much water they would have needed on that boat? Got an idea how much water weighs? How big was that boat again?

    The entire story is so full of holes it is a sieve.

    1. I have to check out the pandas thumb thing.

      I seem to remember just reading the other day about another replica Noah’s ark that crashed somewhere in Scandinavia, maybe Norway.

      That one didn’t have the divine protection and guidance that Noah clearly enjoyed, though.

      1. I could not find the conversation at PT, but here are a couple of enlightening links.

        Note the fate of the largest ships. I believe the ship I was thinking about was the Wyoming. And now need to modify my comment from calm seas, to heavy seas. I would think that our enormous ark might have encountered heavy seas at some point given the supposed conditions.

        I liked this guys take.

        This was interesting as well.

  2. It is really the definition of lunacy. Why win people over through Christian acts of kindness when you can give them Harry Potter like fantasy which is a much better story. Help sick people reminds you that there are sick people and when is that every fun?

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