Superficial is as superficial does

This is something that really chaps my hide. This blog post on The Fickle Heartbeat is basically highlighting a double standard in superficiality when it comes to dating.  In case you don’t feel like clicking on the link, I’ll post the entirety of the article for you here as well:

“I once met a man from an online dating site for a Coke at a local restaurant. His profile said he was an engineer – and I envisioned a well-educated professional. I have an MBA, and that’s just the kind of man I was looking for.

When my “date” began his monologue, he told me he was an engineer in a hotel — the guy who fixes things that break. Ohhhkkkkaaaayyyyy….He also said he had a second job since he was in a bad financial situation and that he worked in the deli at a local grocery store.Shortly after that (I should’ve said “mercifully after that…”) his cell phone rang. He answered and said it was an urgent call from his boss — not on his “real” job at the hotel — but at the BiLo deli. He had to leave immediately to handle a deli emergency …  (What? They ran out of ham?)And I (gleefully) watched him rush away …So much for my fantasy of hooking up with a brainy engineer in a suit and tie. This was more like meeting a man wearing an apron and a plastic deli cap.”

This is bullshit for two reasons. First, it’s a fallacy to judge someone’s intellect based on their job. How would she know if he’s really nerdy or not? Or really smart? She didn’t even give the poor fellow a chance. She instantly made a biased, snap judgment. Just because this guy works in a hotel and a deli doesn’t mean he isn’t nerdy or intelligent. Hell, Einstein worked in a patent office before his academic career, not exactly a prestigious or intellectual job. Maybe this guy is really into nerdy things and maybe he really is intellectual, but the circumstances of his life have put him in the situation he’s in at the moment. For all this woman knows, maybe he really does have big goals and aspirations and is just working his way up the ladder. She’ll never know because instead of getting to know him, she looked down upon him.

Secondly, this kind of double standard really needs to stop. Women get pissed off, and rightly so, when men judge them based on their looks. Just because a woman is stacked and has blond hair doesn’t mean she’s a bimbo. Women have fought hard to overcome that kind of stereotypical judgment. And yet, for some reason, it’s perfectly okay for a woman to judge a man’s character based on his profession and the size of his wallet?

Maybe this guy worked two mediocre jobs, but at least he’s working. And he seems willing to work two jobs to cover his financial bases, which is responsible. So why does this women feel the need to make fun of him? He seems, from the story, to be a hard working guy trying to make it, which is a lot more than you could say for a lot of other guys out there.

It’s all right there in the opening paragraph: “and I envisioned a well-educated professional. I have an MBA, and that’s just the kind of man I was looking for.” Not only is this woman basically pre-judging men based on their education, but she’s also claiming that her education instantly makes her better than other people. She’s apparently turned on by intellect, but then fails to realize that education is a poor marker of one’s intellect. Which makes me think she’s really only attracted to the image or trappings of a traditionally successful man–not the man himself, which seems about as blatantly superficial as one could get.


3 thoughts on “Superficial is as superficial does

  1. I agree with most of the things you’ve said here, but the one thing that bothers me is that I can understand why she’s a little mad, and (probably) why she judged his intellect. He called himself an engineer, but he’s a repair guy. That’s a bit of an upsell, in my opinion. Bordering on a lie, honestly, and it takes a bit of a mental stretch to take one’s job title too seriously. I know someone who was a courtesy associate at Walmart who refused to call himself anything but a cart pusher, because that’s what he really was. It would take someone with a low amount of intelligence to think they’re an engineer because their job calls them one.
    Or it could have just left a sour taste in her mouth because she thought he was lying about the engineer thing. People react poorly when their first reaction to someone is what they perceive to be a lie.

    1. Fair enough, but I think her reaction is a little disproportionate to the crime. A lot of people lie or stretch the truth about themselves, especially on online dating sites. Plus, if I was an intelligent person stuck in a meaningless job I’d probably feel a little embarrassed. Or maybe he felt like the only way any woman would take him seriously is if he stretched the truth. Smart? Maybe not. But understandable.

      1. Her reaction is a bit overstated. Especially since he had to leave for a relatively decent reason. I’d at least give him a second date if I were her.
        I agree with you on the embarrassed part. It’s not nearly as bad just having a job while you’re in college as it is knowing you can’t afford to go, even with the various grants available.
        I’ve never signed up for an online dating site, so I doubt I’d know about stretching the truth for one, but it seems like something I might do if my job was really bad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s