Why I’ve never been interested in a threesome

It seems like most guys my age are either actively seeking out a threesome or at least open to the idea. I, however, am not. Yes, I’m a serial monogamist, but that’s actually only a small part of why I’m not interested in sex with two women. The real reason? Pure laziness. Hell, I can barely satisfy myself, and when you throw just one other person into the mix it becomes a terrifying ordeal steeped in anxiety and disappointment. And now you want me to add another human? That sounds like a lot of work to me.

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Most guys I know who have either had a threesome or want one assure me that a threesome would actually take pressure off of me. “Dude, the two chicks can have fun with each other, too!” So why am I even there? I have the distinct feeling that if I ever participated in a threesome it would turn into a lesbian encounter with me sighing and rolling my eyes in a corner.

Even if I did want to have a threesome, just for the sake of argument, I don’t see it even remotely happening. Do you know much work and effort it is for me to get ONE woman into bed? Two women? It ain’t happenin’ unless I win the lottery or someone infuses me with Ryan Gosling’s DNA.

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But let’s say, through some miracle of miracles, two women asked me to have a threesome with them. Probably because they just wanted to experience sex without an orgasm just once in their lives. You know, just to see what it was like. I’d have no clue what to do with two women in bed. Hell, what to do with one is hard enough to figure out. I wouldn’t even know how to go about seducing two women simultaneously. Hell, I can’t even flirt with women correctly, so how the hell am I supposed to seduce two of them at the same time?

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The bottom line is that while on the surface a threesome sounds like a jolly good time, I have the distinct feeling that in reality it would be a lot of work on my part. Plus, double the women = double the chances of awkward disappointment. Yeah, no thanks. There has to be an easier way to get two women to laugh at you whilst you cry in the shower.

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7 thoughts on “Why I’ve never been interested in a threesome

  1. What’s the worse that can happen? I disappoint two women at the same time? At least I would get some consolation if they took care of each other and had a good time. lol I’m not expecting an invitation anytime soon, nor am I trying desperately to get into the club, but I’m not going to turn down an invitation. lol

    1. Lol. All definitely fair points. I don’t expect anything to ever fall into my lap, no pun intended. Nor do I intend to ever seek anything out. I guess I just find it interesting that this is such a predominant sexual fantasy when the work involved seems significant :p

  2. haha, so much self deprecation. I don’t know how threesomes are ever initiated besides drunken party situations, which I’ve never been a part of (don’t drink). Otherwise, the conversation seems so awkward and risky.

    1. Self deprecation is my middle name. I’m being a little hyperbolic for the sake of entertainment. But still, I don’t have the physical presence or know-how to even begin to pull off a threesome.

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