Is confidence really sexy?

This is a reoccurring theme I hear from women over and over, in real life, on message boards, online dating profiles, and blogs. Nothing is sexier than a confident man. Bull-to-the-shit! Puh-lease. If men are to believe women, being confident is more important than physical appearance. Sorry, but I have the sneaking suspicion that this is really just an empty platitude. Or that there’s a missing second half to this idea. “Nothing is sexier than a confident man…except, you know, a super hot one.” And perhaps that’s why this rings wholly untrue for me.

How many attractive men do you know who aren’t confident? Now how many unattractive men do you know who are confident? Well gee whiz, what do you know? Perhaps women associate confidence with sexiness because hot guys are much more likely to be confident. Because in all seriousness, ladies, who would you rather choose:

This guy, even if he was shy, insecure, and neurotic…

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…or this guy, even if he was full of confidence and smooth as hell?

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That’s what I thought. Even if the first guy was insecure, shy, and withdrawn, women would probably swoon that he was sensitive and vulnerable. So please, can we cut all this “confidence = sexy” bullshit? We all know that when it comes down it, I mean really comes down to it, physical appearance > confidence.

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8 thoughts on “Is confidence really sexy?

  1. Not to mention the fact that I rarely meet women who are all that confident. Especially the ones who are asking for that sexy confident man. Sure one could argue that the way women are marketed to women can be a source of a lot of securities. That doesn’t change the fact that they are wanting in someone else, a quality that they themselves lack. Confidence is a matter of degree. Some people are way too confident unable to truly reflect on qualities they’d be better off changing. Overconfidence can lead to boastful behavior, a greater feeling of disappointment when failure occurs, and an ability to truly learn from a situation. So confidence should definitely not be talked about as something that you can never have too much of either!

    1. Yes, thank you! Preach it! lol

      Ideally, I think there a lot of qualities about a person that make someone solidify an attraction. But the very first time you meet someone, the first thing you notice about them is how they look (unless you’re blind I guess). Once that person finally opens his or her mouth, what comes out might be a total turn off. But it’s not exactly superficial to say that since what we tend to first see, literally, in a person is how they look, physical appearance is extremely important.

  2. Indifference is what is sexy to women. They’ll never tell you that because they, in the main, are not consciously aware of it.

    1. Seems like a pretty accurate observation. Perhaps that’s why I’m terrible when it comes to dating/flirting/relationships: I’m horrible at showing people indifference unless I don’t like them.

      1. To expand on a it a little – women can be initially attracted to looks/dress/cockiness etc but it’s not necessary to be good looking or have great dress sense or outwardly display confidence – mind, it’s still good idea to dress well.

        Being indifferent means lacking neediness, and women can smell neediness at 30 yards. Literally. A man who walks into a bar and feels needy will be betrayed by his eye movement, his gait, body language and a man who is not needy will not display these micro-isms. This is why women will say they cannot understand why they are attracted to some guy who looks like a bum..that they are just drawn to him. It’s the stability and security in the indifference that this bum exudes that attracts them. Women after-all are insecure and crave and need stability.

        But, with modern conditioning women believe they want certain characteristics in a man, and will even marry a man for these, rather than choosing to marry or be with a man for what she NEEDS. A good physical body will tap into a woman’s primal needs, so yes, woman are attracted to this. But if the moment he opens his mouth he comes across as needy or neurotic it won’t be long before she loses the attraction. That doesn’t mean she won’t keep him around, though..

        Also, women won’t not go with a guy just because he is needy. If he has money, a good job, looks, dresses well, and even appears to be confident (but is needy and neurotic underneath) plenty of women will go out with him. They can control and manipulate him. They get peer validation by having a great ‘catch’ and so on..

      2. I suppose it’s the social conditioning piece that bothers me the most. As social creatures, such conditioning is probably inevitable. But it’s somewhat disheartening to know that people–men and women alike–search for happiness under terms that someone else fed them of forced upon them.

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