It’s been awhile since I’ve been in a relationship. Well over a year. Relationships are complicated, because people and emotions are complicated. And that’s where Spock comes in.
I’m tired. I’m tired of dating, of relationships, of the waxing and waning hormones and feelings, the roller coaster of emotions that come with trying to be with another person. Quite frankly, it’s a lot of investment, a lot to go through, only to see things fall apart or blow up in your face at the end. But if emotions are the problem, perhaps emotions are the solution as well. It seems to me that if one stops caring, then none of the baggage that comes with emotions matters.
For those of you who don’t know, in the Star Trek universe, Vulcan’s are the race that prides logic over emotions. While most people associate Vulcan’s with being detached and cold, the truth is that Vulcan’s do indeed have feelings and emotions–they’ve just learned to suppress and control them. Is there anything to that, though? The idea intrigues me–controlling your emotions, not letting them control you.
After my divorce and a lot of failed dates, I decided to try to live a more Vulcan lifestyle. To not let my emotions rule me, to be comfortable with myself and with solitude. And I have to say, it’s going swimmingly. With some meditation, a little resolve, and a plan, you’d be surprised what you can do with yourself. I’m perfectly comfortable with my own company; I don’t necessarily need the company of others to have fun or enjoy myself. I trust my own abilities now; I don’t need to validate myself through the eyes of other people. Since I have no intentions to be romantic with anyone, I no longer have to feel insecure or self-conscious about my looks, which is quite liberating (I also don’t have to feel intimidated by attractive people). I have time to devote to things that I want to do, things that I’m interested in and passionate about, and my career. I’ve been celibate for over a year, and while there are times when I do miss physical intimacy, those times are few and far between, and seem less frequent as time progresses.
It’s not that I don’t feel emotions; it’s that I can now control them. It’s not that I don’t like other people or enjoy their company; it’s that I’m finally comfortable in my own skin and not dependent upon others for happiness and satisfaction. Happiness comes from the inside, not the outside. That’s the biggest revelation I’ve had on this journey. The only one who can affect your happiness is you. If you’re looking to others to fulfill your needs you’ll never be fully satisfied–you’ll only be as happy and satisfied as other people.
People can live perfectly happy, productive, healthy lives without romance and love. We’re bombarded with messages from the media that we need another person to be happy. We’re presented with this idea that we’re all puzzle pieces, and we’ll never be happy until we find someone who fits with only us, uniquely. Reject that notion. Happiness is a state of mind, love is a state of mind. You can lead a perfectly happy life as a single, unattached human being. Don’t let Hollywood and Hallmark dictate what it means to be happy or feel complete.