I’m taking a break from the philosophical and the scientific to talk about what it’s been like trying to get back into the dating scene over the last year. I mentioned in my previous post that my divorce caused me to make some questionable dating choices, and here I thought it would be fun to explore those a little. So, without further ado…
Girl #1: A couple of years old than me. My best friend and his girlfriend set us up. She was intelligent, attractive, and fun to be around. We saw each other for two months, during which time I learned that she was an alcoholic drug addict (and I don’t mean that vindictively). She also cheated on me while we were together. I was unceremoniously dropped like a sack of bricks for a coworker.
Girl #2: Younger than me, but quite professionally successful. We met on a dating website. Attractive, intelligent, in great shape. We had a ton of stuff in common. We dated off an on because she had big time commitment issues until finally she moved out of town and we stopped seeing each other.
Girl #3: Again, younger than me. Again, from a dating site. She spent the entirety of the first date trying to convince me that she was psychic. Against my better judgment I agreed to a second date, during which she asked if she could kiss me, “just to clear the air,” whatever that means. I declined, and that was the end of that.
Girl #4: A year older than me, and from a dating website. She used to be a hooters waitress, which frankly wasn’t as much of a plus as she thought it was. Anyway, she would never text or call me first, because she had a rule about the man always initiating everything. Yeah, no thanks. If I’m doing everything, you just want an indentured servant, not a partner. No second date there.
Girl #5: Older than me again, and another website date. We didn’t have that much in common (I love outdoorsy stuff and she hated being in nature). She spent most of the date trying to convince me that Obamacare was evil and that the only reason I didn’t think so was because I, “didn’t make enough money.” So, no, there was no second date after that.
Girl #6: The last one of the bunch, and also from a dating website. It was a pretty casual date–we just watched movies at her place because she worked odd hours. But she was a smoker, which is a huge, gigantic turn off. Plus she kept telling me that she has impossible standards and all of this other weird stuff, so goodbye second date.
From all of these experiences I learned two things. First and foremost, online dating is a waste of time. I can now say that I tried it and the results were terrible. After girl #6 I quickly deleted every online dating site account I had and I’m not looking back.
But the second, and most important thing, that I learned was how to recognize red flags and say no. I’ll freely admit that I’m a dude who doesn’t have the greatest self-esteem for a variety of reasons. So when an attractive, intelligent woman finds me attractive, I tend to put the blinders on. But no more. I’ve finally mastered the art of recognizing, “This person is not right for me and it would never work out.” And that discovery is worth its weight in gold, so to speak.