Oh, graduation…

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…how I loathe thee. At the end of this academic year I will be graduating–again. There’s already talk amongst the members of my class about graduation. I, however, have had none of it, and for one simple reason: I won’t be walking.

I didn’t go to the graduation ceremony for the first bachelor’s degree I earned either.

First and foremost, I’m not one for pomp and circumstance. It’s all a big production that’s quite frankly a huge waste of time and money. Mainly my time and money. The cap and gown alone are hundreds of dollars. So my $50k tuition can’t even pay for a paper hat and gown? Give me a break. And I won’t even get my diploma at the ceremony–they just give you a phony stand-in one until they mail it out or you pick it up weeks later. Furthermore, I have no desire to sit in a hot, crowded auditorium for the better part of 6 hours, listening to the same speech being given over and over and over. It’s always the same generic platitudes delivered with the same cheesey metaphors and anecdotes.

In fact, commencement speeches are so phony, frivolous, and generic, that here’s one I just cobbled together completely from song lyrics:

“I believe the children are our future–teach them well and let them lead the way. If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds, and that old north wind begins to blow–keep your head together. Try to believe though the going gets rough that you gotta hang tough to make it–history repeats itself, try and you’ll succeed. Never doubt that you’re the best and you can have your dreams! Don’t lose your grip on the dreams of the past…you must fight just to keep them alive. You’re only human, you’re allowed to make your share of mistakes. You better believe there will be times in your life when you’ll be feeling like a stumbling fool. So take it from me you’ll learn more from your accidents than anything that you could ever learn at school. This is the time to remember, ’cause it will not last forever. These are the days to hold on to, ’cause we won’t although we’ll want to. This is the time, but time is gonna change. In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”

Bonus points if you can name all of the songs these are from (hint: there are lyrics from seven songs). Trust me, it’ll be more fun than sitting through an entire graduation.

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