Psychics are not real

In previous editions of “There’s no such thing as…” I covered alien abductions, Bigfoot, and ghosts. Now I would like to take on psychics.

Just like the other aforementioned topics, there is a plethora of television shows dedicated to psychics on the air right now (usually the same channels that air the ghost shows. Hmm, coincidence..?). I’ve viewed several of these shows and have to say that, just like all the other shlock, these people are full of crap.

First, I’ve already explained why there’s no such thing as ghosts, so you can forget all about that psychic talking to grandma and grandpa. These TV psychics prey on the need that people have for closure. I’m going to use an argument similar to the one that I used in the ghost post. I find it tremendously odd that every person that gets a reading on these television shows has the spirit of a family member following them around. So, when you die, you’re sentenced to follow around all of your dead family members for eternity? When people die all they want to do is hang around their childhood home? Give me a break. If I were a ghost (which is impossible, because people don’t have souls and there’s no afterlife) the FIRST thing I would do is zip around the universe and take in all of its wonders–not haunt people who can’t even see or hear me. There’s no such thing as spirits, ghosts, or ethereal energy. Psychics aren’t talking to anyone. These are cute little ideas, but that’s all they are: made up works of fiction.

But hold on, there’s more! Some of these psychics will tell you your future! Wow! Doesn’t that sound awesome?! Except that it’s a total load of crap. For one thing, time doesn’t work that way. You can’t foresee things that do not exist yet, sorry. If you believe that, I have a physics textbook that I would like you to read. But moreover, let’s grant for a minute that these psychics can indeed see into the future…this can go in one of two directions. One way of approaching this is to say that if psychics can see into the future, everything is already laid out and set in stone–fate is inescapable. At which point I’d have to ask…what’s the fucking point of going to a psychic?! If you can’t change anything, then who cares? Of course the other side of this coin (and what usually happens in the show) is “Well this will happen UNLESS you do this…” So the future is not set in stone, and our actions influence upcoming events. In which case, I would ask again, what the fuck is the point of going to a psychic?! If the future is determined by our actions, then just sit down and take two seconds to think about the consequences of any future actions and boom, you saved yourself whatever these psychic frauds charge for a reading.

Which leads me to another point that should scream, “Grifter!” to anyone watching. Usually these psychics will say, “Oh, this terrible thing will befall you…unless you burn this special incense that I just happen to sell at my shop!” Time out. This is obviously a scam. Gee, the psychic just happened to predict something that he or she also just happens to sell the remedy for. Put two and two together, people. Tia of the eponymous “Psychic Tia” on the Bio channel is notorious for this.

It’s cold reading, folks. “I’m picking up that you recently got over an illness…” Amazing! I HAVE been sick before! Only because I’m a living human being, but she KNEW that! “Who’s speaking in an accent?” Gee, it’s my dead grandma! That you probably deduced was dead and foreign thanks to my age and funny sounding last name! Give me a break, folks.

And on a similar note, have you ever noticed how every person who claims to be telekinetic can’t seem to move the spoon on the table without wiggling their fingers and making spooky arm movements? Hmm, curious. Nobody can seem to just sit there and move a spoon with their mind, they have to do an elaborate little finger dance. It’s all bullshit, folks. They’re all charlatans who prey on the insecurity and fear of people, be it their fear of death or the fact that they never got to say goodbye to uncle Bob.

But let’s say, just for a moment, that these psychics ARE real. They can indeed talk to dead people, and more importantly they CAN foresee the future. Well then I have a giant “Fuck you” to give every last one of them. Fuck you for opening a boutique and charging $150/reading. Fuck you for not stopping murders and other crimes before they happen. Fuck you for not actually helping families by locating kidnapped or missing children.

And in the more than likely event that you’re just a charlatan, cheating people for fame and money–then fuck you, too.


9 thoughts on “Psychics are not real

  1. Since I do believe in God, angels, demons, Satan, and that we have souls, I also believe- to some extent- in ghosts and and psychics. However I think most of what we hear is fake. The real stuff and the occult is something that should be avoided because it’s demonic, and the Bible warns of that:

    “When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead.” (Deuteronomy 18:9-11)

    1. I always thought that the idea of ghosts, as popularly portrayed, went against Christian theology. When you die, your soul either goes to heaven or hell (or purgatory if you’re catholic)–there’s no roaming the earth and haunting things. The idea of psychics seems reminiscent of false prophets and the like. Perhaps I have it wrong though? (I actually wouldn’t at all be surprised if I had it wrong lol)

      1. I certainly don’t “know” how all this spiritual stuff works, but I do believe that humans, when they die, either go to heaven or hell. It’s also my understanding that what we call ghosts are demons, not the lost souls of humans. The Bible certainly speaks of the occult, so it exists, but I think most of what we see here in America is fake. However anytime someone is dabbling in the occult, they’re getting involved in demonic activity, and that should always be avoided.

  2. Translation of babble quote: Nobody but us has the authority to dabble in the hooky spooky B.S.

    Correct me if I am wrong, but aren’t there several instances in the babble where indeed sacrifices are expected/demanded? I know of at least one place in there where it says to kill your disobedient children, among plenty of other murderous, genocidal, tendencies. Yeah, how that book is interpreted as something good is beyond me. Heck actually reading that book set me on the path I am on today. I suggest all believers actually read it. Enlightenment takes a little effort, I understand it is much easier to not have to think though, and way easier to just gobble up the crap you are fed.

    Mental laziness, an all too common trait. Hell, where I live books are redneck repellent, except for the one they all have and never read, unless it is a passage they are guided too..

    1. Julia Sweeney had a one woman show called “Letting Go of God” wherein she detailed her experience of becoming an atheist after being a Catholic her entire life. Ironically, as you just mentioned, it all started when she joined a bible study group and actually read the thing, word for word, cover to cover. It raised a bunch of questions for her, and nobody–not the other students and not the priests–could answer them to her satisfaction. It’s an interesting show if you can get your hands on it (she used to be on SNL, so it’s also pretty humorous).

      Like all pieces of literature, people will take what they want out of the bible, be it good or bad. Personally, I think that faults within the bible and religion are a reflection of the faults of men–to me, religion is just a way for men to subjugate and rule other men, and the bible is a piece of propaganda to that end. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t plenty of people out there who take away good things from it. All I care about is that people treat each other with kindness and respect–I don’t really care what motivates you to do so. If threat of fiery damnation is what it takes to motivate a person to follow the golden rule and help others, that’s fine by me.

      What really bugs me is when politicians try to legislate the bible. Believe whatever you want to believe, I can’t stop you from thinking that a man built and ark and put two of every animal in the world on it. But do not try to make it a law to believe so. But religion in politics is a subject for another post…haha.

  3. Yeah, I get what you are saying, if people can take away something good from it, that’s all fine and dandy. Though I have to stop and wonder what kind of person requires threats of hell and damnation to walk a better path in life…? I know that is painting with a wide brush and not all believers are that way, but some are.

    Anyway as you say, once they tire of self help with their religion and take the next step and start trying to legislate on behalf of their silly book, or smuggle nonsense such as ID in the classroom, or even tout their beliefs as facts, that is where I think we should stand up and make them take notice, that they are crossing a line…a place where the rubber meets the road, a place where exists “put up or shut up” or “Lets see this evidence you speak of” I personally don’t give a damn what they do in their churches or in their homes, within state law of course.

    If they were okay with minding their own religious beeswax, not trying to circumvent school curriculums and were content with staying busy wallowing in self inflicted ignorance, and not trying to foist it upon the rest of society, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

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