In previous editions of “There’s no such thing as…” I covered alien abductions, Bigfoot, and ghosts. Now I would like to take on psychics.
Just like the other aforementioned topics, there is a plethora of television shows dedicated to psychics on the air right now (usually the same channels that air the ghost shows. Hmm, coincidence..?). I’ve viewed several of these shows and have to say that, just like all the other shlock, these people are full of crap.
First, I’ve already explained why there’s no such thing as ghosts, so you can forget all about that psychic talking to grandma and grandpa. These TV psychics prey on the need that people have for closure. I’m going to use an argument similar to the one that I used in the ghost post. I find it tremendously odd that every person that gets a reading on these television shows has the spirit of a family member following them around. So, when you die, you’re sentenced to follow around all of your dead family members for eternity? When people die all they want to do is hang around their childhood home? Give me a break. If I were a ghost (which is impossible, because people don’t have souls and there’s no afterlife) the FIRST thing I would do is zip around the universe and take in all of its wonders–not haunt people who can’t even see or hear me. There’s no such thing as spirits, ghosts, or ethereal energy. Psychics aren’t talking to anyone. These are cute little ideas, but that’s all they are: made up works of fiction.
But hold on, there’s more! Some of these psychics will tell you your future! Wow! Doesn’t that sound awesome?! Except that it’s a total load of crap. For one thing, time doesn’t work that way. You can’t foresee things that do not exist yet, sorry. If you believe that, I have a physics textbook that I would like you to read. But moreover, let’s grant for a minute that these psychics can indeed see into the future…this can go in one of two directions. One way of approaching this is to say that if psychics can see into the future, everything is already laid out and set in stone–fate is inescapable. At which point I’d have to ask…what’s the fucking point of going to a psychic?! If you can’t change anything, then who cares? Of course the other side of this coin (and what usually happens in the show) is “Well this will happen UNLESS you do this…” So the future is not set in stone, and our actions influence upcoming events. In which case, I would ask again, what the fuck is the point of going to a psychic?! If the future is determined by our actions, then just sit down and take two seconds to think about the consequences of any future actions and boom, you saved yourself whatever these psychic frauds charge for a reading.
Which leads me to another point that should scream, “Grifter!” to anyone watching. Usually these psychics will say, “Oh, this terrible thing will befall you…unless you burn this special incense that I just happen to sell at my shop!” Time out. This is obviously a scam. Gee, the psychic just happened to predict something that he or she also just happens to sell the remedy for. Put two and two together, people. Tia of the eponymous “Psychic Tia” on the Bio channel is notorious for this.
It’s cold reading, folks. “I’m picking up that you recently got over an illness…” Amazing! I HAVE been sick before! Only because I’m a living human being, but she KNEW that! “Who’s speaking in an accent?” Gee, it’s my dead grandma! That you probably deduced was dead and foreign thanks to my age and funny sounding last name! Give me a break, folks.
And on a similar note, have you ever noticed how every person who claims to be telekinetic can’t seem to move the spoon on the table without wiggling their fingers and making spooky arm movements? Hmm, curious. Nobody can seem to just sit there and move a spoon with their mind, they have to do an elaborate little finger dance. It’s all bullshit, folks. They’re all charlatans who prey on the insecurity and fear of people, be it their fear of death or the fact that they never got to say goodbye to uncle Bob.
But let’s say, just for a moment, that these psychics ARE real. They can indeed talk to dead people, and more importantly they CAN foresee the future. Well then I have a giant “Fuck you” to give every last one of them. Fuck you for opening a boutique and charging $150/reading. Fuck you for not stopping murders and other crimes before they happen. Fuck you for not actually helping families by locating kidnapped or missing children.
And in the more than likely event that you’re just a charlatan, cheating people for fame and money–then fuck you, too.