- No offense, but… I hate this statement more than anything because what it really represents is people trying to have their cake and eat it too. “No offense, but your face smells like the business end of a rectal thermometer.” Somehow, prefacing the statement with “No offense,” doesn’t really take the bite out of anything that comes after, does it? This is just an attempt to get away with being a douche bag to someone’s face.
- Paint the town. Occasionally someone will say, “Let’s paint the town!” as if to denote some sort of wild, crazy fun. Which really is nonsense if you’ve ever tried to get someone to help you paint your house. It’s a painstaking, boring process that involves wild and crazy antics like putting painter’s tape over molding and covering furniture with tarps. If painting one house is such a tedious process, can you imagine how mind numbing painting an entire town would be?
- Hell’s bells! I’ve heard people use this as an exclamation of sorts. “Well hell’s bells, I didn’t know she only 15!” I can’t figure out what bells they’re referring to, though. Either the torture of hell is constantly ringing bells (which sounds pretty diabolical, actually), or hell is filled with clock towers, which makes even less sense considering that the concept of eternity would negate any timekeeping.