I call ancient BS

So, my brother loves that show on the history channel, “Ancient Aliens.” If any of you aren’t familiar with it, it’s basically a program where ‘experts’ (and I use that terms VERY loosely) offer ‘proof’ (and I use that term even MORE loosely) that the Earth and it’s people were visited in the past by extraterrestrials. And, despite the fact that I consider myself a scientist at heart, and I acknowledge the fact that a) there is more than likely other intelligent life in the universe, and b) it’s quite possible that they have indeed visited the Earth, I still can’t help but reach the conclusion that this show is complete and utter bullshit, for lack of a better term.

The last episode of the show that I watched was about how many passages in the bible could be interpreted as visitation by extraterrestrials. This, I swear to you, was an actual argument from someone on the show about the Noah’s ark story: “When you think about it, the whole story is implausible. How could it be possible for one man to round up each animal on the planet in a timely manner? How would the millions of species fit in one ark? However, on the other hand, what if the ark was a metaphor for an alien DNA bank?”

Yes, you read that correctly. In this person’s worldview, it’s more plausible that aliens collected the DNA of every living thing on the planet right before a giant planet wide flood than it is for Noah to have collected two of every species. While I certainly agree that the Noah’s ark story shouldn’t be taken literally, let’s take a look at why the people who believe the ancient astronaut theory need their heads examined. First and foremost, for this plan to have worked, the aliens in question would have to have already had a knowledge of every single species on the planet, or they would need to take the time to catalog every living thing on the planet. They spent the time and resources to determine how many species there were on the planet, then they went and collected DNA from all of them. Seems like an implausible task to me, or at least as implausible as Noah’s story. Secondly, this leave us with the conclusion that, according to this theory, everything on Earth right now is a clone from thousands of years old DNA. Ok, well that’s fine…provided that the aliens collected enough different DNA samples to create a sufficient gene pool for each species on the planet, lest everything on the planet ended up being retarded cousins.

The show goes on the promote a bunch of other ideas that abandon logic. Whenever there are giant stone structures built by ancient humans, like the Nazca lines, they’re automatically landing platforms for alien craft! Well that’s amazing. The aliens who traveled however many light years, meaning they have incredibly advanced technology, came aaaaaaallllll this way to build a launching platform out of rocks! Crazy how they can break the laws of physics, but need to build their refueling station out of rocks and mud.

And then there’s the idea behind the travel itself, which to me almost negates all of the theories put forth by the show all by itself. The nearest planet outside of our solar system is 10.5 light years away. That’s not even the nearest Earth-like planet. It’s just a regular old planet. But let’s grant, for the moment, that there is a race of aliens living on it and they travel to Earth. And let’s also say that these aliens can travel 10 times faster than the speed of light, which is (as far as we know at the moment) physically impossible, but they’re sooooo far advanced they can break the laws of physics. It would take them 1.05 years to reach Earth, then another 1.05 to get back. So they’d be making a 2 year journey. These idiots on the show are going to tell me that these aliens can break the laws of physics, will spend 2.1 years aboard their ship just traveling between their star and ours…and then leave absolutely no conclusive proof of their existence whatsoever? They broke the laws of physics, braved over 2 years of confined space travel, just to teach ancient man the finer points in stone construction? (For the record, the nearest Earth-like planet on which life would more probably exist is 600 light years away. Under the same conditions, it would take the aliens 60 years to get here, even with the whole breaking the laws of physics thing…)

This show makes my head want to explode. Mostly because it’s bullshit masquerading as real science, which it definitely is not.

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